cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Too much gin, very little bucket
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
