I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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