I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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