I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
