ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
