I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
