Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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