I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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