i was rollin on her like bob the builder
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
