On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
