Why are handjobs necessary in class?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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