So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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