I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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