There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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