Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
These tits shall not be calmed
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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