The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
