you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
