y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
