as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
