and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
