Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
