If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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