At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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