dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
