I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
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I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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