Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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