I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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