ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
