woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
