I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
