Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
