you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
