So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
