it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
