woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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