I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
