He asked to "fluff my boner.."
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
