Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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