Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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