ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You took a bar mat shot.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
