I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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