I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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