yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My vagina is officially offended.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
