I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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