There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
