David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
