please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
