i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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