the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
