dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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