Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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