I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
