You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
