I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
