I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My penis needs a shock collar
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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