i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Welp...herpes.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
