oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
