I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
What a dumb baby whore.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
