I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
