What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
