Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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