I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
