the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
