You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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