The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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