I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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