She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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