Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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