His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
