The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it's like iHOP with fire
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
