is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
you're hired as official boob wrangler
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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