i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
