Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
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she said she was living bicuriously through me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
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I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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