I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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